March Madness: A Slice of Fried Gold Edition

Recently I spent an evening writing and watching Travel Channel's Man vs. Food (starring Adam "I don't wash my hands after using the restroom before competitions" Richman), and I realized that if it was physically possible and affordable, I may never actually stop eating. I love food to an almost unhealthy degree (see: David Harper circa 2005).

With March starting up tomorrow, I had been thinking of something March Madness like I could do for my blog. That's when it hit me: what is the one thing I like more than basketball? Food.

I genuinely appreciate restaurants and all of the factors that make them great, from the food to the pricing to the intangibles like service and atmosphere. While Anchorage is a pretty small place, we are blessed with some sneaky good food. But what restaurant has the chops to be my favorite? Well that is what this month is for. I've set up my 32 "favorite" Anchorage restaurants (in quotations because some didn't make the cut due to bracket restrictions) into four different brackets: Fancy restaurants, Hippie restaurants, and two brackets of General. I tried to make an Asian food or Hispanic or Italian food bracket, but there just aren't enough high quality establishments to make it work.

From there I aligned the eight restaurants together by esteem and by logic (in the General brackets, you'll see first round matchups between "down home" restaurants, burger joints, and other like minded establishments), and away we go. Matchups will play throughout the month and all factors will be considered - and I will not be pulling punches. This is also entirely based off my opinion, so if you disagree let me know in the comments section. Check out the bracket below (click to enlarge), and let's get this started baby! That was in a Dick Vitale voice if you were wondering. The competition starts Monday with the first Fancy matchup.

Make Kaladi Not War

It seems as if Kaladi Brothers is always there for me. They're like that corporate friend I never knew I had or that I even wanted, yet their reliability is never in question. Let's say I'm lamenting the poor quality of my coffee (regardless of its place of origin) on Twitter, they'll quickly @ message me and tell me that if I stop by any of their locations they would remake my drink for me for free. That's without even mentioning the fact I basically loiter at their Title Wave location all weekend as if I'm some sort of urban hobo, using their internet to do my bidding and camping out for interminably long periods of time.

Then, to make them even cooler, they started doing this Work With Kaladi promotion on Twitter in which you qualify for the chance to win free coffee for your office just by retweeting their message. Given enough opportunities I knew I'd win, and I had a special feeling about today. That special feeling apparently was legit, as I won organic Red Goat coffee for my entire office! Yes! I imagine my entire day tomorrow in the office being one of celebrating my name, with coworkers high fiving or hugging me as they see me walking down the hall. It shall be a glorious day.

Thank you for that Kaladi's, and you're welcome office.

Welcome to Alaska, Bitch

In some parts, people greet visitors to their parts with beach fist fights (The O.C. and the legendary Ryan and Seth vs. Luke and a bunch of water polo players that inevitably ends with Luke winning and saying "Welcome to the O.C. BITCH") while others welcome people with dressing like ghosts or burning the letter t (South Park's "Here Comes the Neighborhood" episode). Apparently Fairbanks, Alaska goes another route. Only in Alaska would a hockey team have an opening video like the one above, in which a polar bear uses a fighter jet to blow up the Earth.

Whenever I wonder why I live in Alaska, I'll just think of that video...and immediately wonder why once again. Sigh...

What Would I Want? Sky

For the past two or three days in Anchorage it has been incredibly foggy. This has led to a lot of really interesting driving situations and many, many comparisons to the terrible Thomas Jane horror movie The Mist from a couple years back (thank god this fog doesn't bring monsters from another dimension with it). It also has led to a lot of complaints, yet none from yours truly. Why?

Fog is awesome.

This low laying fog that envelopes everything you see, reducing vision to 30 feet often but awesomeness to entirely new levels...it's fantastic. It makes everything you do inherently ominous, from ominous breakfast burritos to ominous Pub Quiz to ominous driving. It gives everything a hint of foreboding and a splash of the unknown, which is something I think people need more in their lives. Well, so long as it is an innocent form of ominous like the fog brings. Not if it is the aforementioned nefarious style of fog with the murderous creatures and the transcendentally terrible conclusions.

Also, while we're at it, I wanted to share the song that I took my title from. While I don't actually desire the sky to come back right yet. It's off Animal Collective's exceptional new Fall Be Kind EP, and it's called "What Would I Want? Sky". Check it out.

What Would I Want? Sky - Anima...

The Weekend Edition

I can hardly believe it. I haven't written a weekend edition since September...that's pretty incredible. Given that it is my one and only regular post, you'd think I'd stay up to date on it, especially given that it's just a recap of my weekend. Attribute it to laziness, my busy nature, or whatever, it just hasn't been happening. However, it's Sunday night and it was a particularly good weekend (despite a rather devestating Patriots loss tonight) and I feel as if it's time to restart the time honored (and recently ignored) tradition. What happened this weekend?

• Closing the week without having to go in for jury duty once
• A particularly delicious home cooked meal of tofu pad thai
• Big movie night at my place (with many, many guests)
• Breakfast at Snow City with Stephanie, Olivia and JT
• Awesome day at Kaladi Brothers with Brandon, Cate and Eric
• Downtown early evening shenanigans with Eric and Cate
• Catching the fantastic and brutal (for one guy) Pacquiao/Cotto fight
• Delicious breakfast at Middle Way (with complimentary potential job offer!)
• Kaladi day with Cate, Eric and Gary Busey
• Basketball with Colver
• People over for Patriots game that ended...tragically

Note the extreme lack of crazy partying by myself. There are a number of reasons why this happened and likely will be happening much more often. Let us count the ways:

1. It's cold as hell out
2. It's expensive to party
3. Removes (most) opportunities for me to embarass myself
4. There is so much to do without going out!

Staying in solves the first three problems, it allows me to follow through on reason 3, and it opens up the extremely underrated concept of doing things on Saturday and Sunday without feeling like death (oh not feeling like death, how I adore you). There is one additional caveat: it allows me to get to know new friends better.

It seems like every six to nine months (or about when Cate will be quitting a job), my group has a bit of a refresh of people. Every Friend Season (as I will be calling them now), my group loses two to three people yet seemingly replaces them without skipping a beat. This weekend, I had ample opportunity to hang out with great new friends like Stephanie, Gen, Katherina, Kerstin, Olivia, and Eric (not to mention the immortal Gary Busey), and it was a wonderful time. I really enjoy our new batch of friends, and it's perfect timing heading into The-Season-That-Must-Not-Be-Named. It seems as if plans for elaborate parties (ranging from Snuggie Parties to classy dress parties and beyond) are being proposed at a frenetic pace, leading me to grin with delight at the sheer prospect.

As Victor Hugo once said, "winter is on my head but eternal spring is in my heart." Such is the curative power of good friends, providing me an eternal spring during my least favorite time of the year. Now if we could just get rid of this ridiculous five degree weather, teh rest of me could feel something resembling eternal spring as well. C'est la vie, Alaska.

The Iceman Cometh

Similar to what I will look like very soon

My least favorite time of the year is upon us, as we've now come to the point where Alaska goes from summer straight into winter. Allegedly, we're going through fall right now as various people I know insist, but I know better. We're in winter, and every time I wake up I expect to look out the window and see half a foot of the fluffy white stuff. It's already bitter and cold when I walk out for work in the morning, regardless of how I try to deny it by wearing completely incorrect clothing for the temperature. Just an fyi, but that is an absolutely stupid way to deal with winter approaching. All it does is make you really cold, not curb the approach of fearsome cold.

Part of the reason why I don't wear warmer clothing is because I don't really have any. That ties in quite a bit to the fact that I am pretty much the worst Alaskan in the state. During the winter, I'm well known for my terrible decision making when it comes to clothing, and I often attempt to hibernate as much as possible as if I was some sort of human polar bear. Not only do I completely fail at winter, but I also really don't like it. The last few years have been salvageable because of staying busy constantly with friends like Amy, Kim and Hannah being socially inspiring, but with that trio moving and a few of my best friends taking steps towards full out domestication it's going to be more difficult than usual.

So what do I do? Take a lengthy and awesome vacation? Relocate to warmer (not necessarily greener) pastures? Grin and bear it? Who knows. As I frequently discuss with my good friend Kim (the one who left last year), I really feel ready for a change. I felt that way in the summer, and man, now that winter is hitting it really feels time. I think Joanne and I just need to go on The Amazing Race so I can travel, win an awesome competition, and become world famous. Perhaps that's a bit unrealistic, but hey, at least I aspire to awesome goals right? There is the upside that the winter coerces me to go to the gym a lot and work on getting my running times down, so when The Amazing Race does actually call me I'll be ready to kick some ass.

White Magic in Anchorage on Wednesday

Recently, I've grown a little less than enthused with Anchorage's music scene. I've come to the decision that unless you are a) a metal band, b) Elton John, c) a Moose's Tooth summer show or d) a very big rap group, you have basically no hopes of selling a lot of tickets for your concert. Look at the Hold Steady last week - evidently at the beginning of the show they had only sold 400 of the 1,000 tickets available. That makes me very sad as I'm sure bands come up here, see the paltry sales numbers, and then go around sharing with all of their friends in bands about how Alaska is just a terrible place to go to.

Which is why I think everyone should go see White Magic this Wednesday at the Kodiak Bar. I'd never actually heard about this band until recently, but a person who was running the show emailed me and suggested I checked the show out as it seemed like something I'd be interested in. She said that White Magic was on the same label as personal favorite Bill Callahan and Bonnie "Prince" Billy, which immediately stoked my interest. Ultimately though, White Magic is nothing at all like either of those artists, as this is a much more experimental group. The sound is very art rock and reflective, but still accessible. It's solid if unspectacular music that isn't necessarily my cup of tea.

However, it does sound like something that would work fairly well live, which is why I will be attending the show. Well, besides the fact that I need to put my money where my mouth is and support my local music scene. If we want any chance at consistently bringing up great artists, we're going to have to support everyone. Such is the duty of an Alaskan music fiend.

Check out White Magic this Wednesday at the Kodiak Bar, 9 pm. Tickets are $13, which is a small price to pay for great live music.

All Good Things Come to an End

In Her Space Holiday's track "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend", Marc Bianchi sings about how his sister used to say how hardships always seem to come in two's. Cool lyric, but I never really noticed that trend. Until today.

Last night, Amy Steele, one of my best friends, told me that she was not only moving (knew that was coming) but that it would be in like a week and a half. I was shocked. Obviously I knew it was coming, but a week and a half is not much time to mentally prepare myself. I went to bed a sad version of myself, to wake up to a frosty morning with cold precipitation, reports of snow coming this evening on Twitter, and termination dust invading our mountain views. It's as if the mere announcement of Amy's departure triggered Alaska to say "hey! it's winter time!" Fannnntastic. I do have to say that this summer has been amazing and I'm thankful that it has been as great as it has been, but still, I'd prefer winter to just stay away.

While I hate winter deeply (it's a mutual thing), Amy moving is far worse. I'm very upset with Alaska right now, and all its stupid stupidness (I write poorly whilst upset).

Iron and Wine coming to Alaska

Sam Beam going for the natural look

Iron and Wine is coming to Alaska September 25th to play at UAA, in what will likely be one of the best fits to Alaskan audiences ever. Given that lately it seems you are required to have a beard to live here (damn inability to grow anything besides a throat beard), Sam Beam and his enormous beard will likely be welcomed with open arms. While I don't shower the guy with adoration like everyone else does (I have to be in a very specific mood to enjoy his music - it's kind of boring), I do appreciate his talent and better yet, I appreciate a good show. I feel like it will be a very restrained and high quality show for sure.

Regardless, I'm just happy Alaska is getting some decent concerts. The Hold Steady and Iron and Wine in one 8 day stretch? That almost makes it okay that I'm not going to make it to Musicfest NW this year.

Almost...

The Index Card from Hell

Without 12 evil letters on it, it seems so harmless

For some reason, late yesterday afternoon and early last evening I was feeling like crap. I think it was a combination of huffing paint for a few hours as people were working on our roof at my office and the fact I was intensely tired. One way or another, this led to me crashing on my couch last night at 8:30 and getting somewhere between 10 or 11 hours of sleep (which is awesome). While I was sleeping though, I could have sworn I heard my neighbors discussing brown recluses, but given the fact that I was sleeping and am deathly afraid of spiders (ask my friend Lorna, who one time saw me regress into a 4 year old girl while driving when a spider appeared in my hair) it would have been unsurprising if I had just fictionalized this.

No less, I woke up the next morning rested and ready to take on the world. I showered, ate cereal, took care of some laundry, etc. etc. and prepared to depart. Given that my hands were going to be full, I put on my sunglasses and started moving up the staircase to the door. In the extreme darkness (dark + sunglasses = extreme dark), I noticed something down by the floor. It was an index card next to what looked like a clear cap to an aerosol spray bottle. There was writing on the card. Through my sunglasses I tried to decipher it.

Benji ridicules...bart reschools...and then I remember the "dream" and quickly remove my sunglasses and lean down.

Brown. Recluse. With a question mark after it (evidently there was a level of uncertainty as to what this beast was).

Predictably inside of the cap was a big freaking spider staring at me time six. I wanted to do one of two things: stomp on the cap 800 times or run away screaming like a little girl (much to Lorna's amusement). Instead I get up, slowly walk away, and develop a permanent set of goosebumps.

Why someone would capture that monster and not kill it, I have no idea. All I know is if they are in Alaska now, I'm moving to freaking Antarctica. I hate cold, but I hate spiders more.

Daylight Savings is a crime

I love it when I walk outside for the first time in the winter, and you can see that hint of light as you are walking out to your car and driving to work. Most people in America don't have to experience this sensation, as it's a purely Alaskan thing. It's dark every morning going to work, and then one day it's like the sky is finally glowing instead of being pure black. Slowly but surely it gets brighter and brighter until one day it's bright and shiny out, signaling we're well on our way to spring and then summer.

That first day when the glow comes around for the first time has to be one of my favorite days of the year.

However, today we skipped forward an hour so when we get up, it's going to be like day in the morning, which is good in the way of it being crazy bright out when I go to work, but bad in the fact that it robbed me of an hour. At this point, does daylight savings time really do anything besides rob us of a precious hour of time? I don't feel as if it does, and I want it back!

Stupid daylight savings. Why can't this happen during the week when I'm at work, and it's 3 PM and all of a sudden it's 4 PM, and I'm like "well guys, gotta go!" That's the dream I guess.

The Guilt Show

The Get Up Kids

While perusing Absolute Punk (my strange, strange addiction to that site, a website which celebrates a genre of music I no longer listen to, never ceases to amaze me), I amused myself by checking out the thread that announced Brand New was visiting Alaska and responding to the range of statements that essentially said "Alaska? Seriously?" However, one comment got me excited, and then led to the discovery of something awesome.

Recently reformed indie pop all stars the Get Up Kids are coming up to support Brand New at their Alaskan date.

This is a band I had just started to get into right as they broke up, and is a band that is packed with talent. Band member side projects include the New Amsterdams, Reggie and the Full Effect, Blackpool Lights, and Koufax, all of whom I enjoy, but none as much as the Get Up Kids. It's like this show just got twice as awesome as it was before.

Because it literally did just get twice as awesome.

Very excited for March 28th now.

PostSecret Live!

Frank Warren doing what he does best: reading secrets on postcards

This past Thursday, Frank Warren visited Anchorage's Wendy Williamson Auditorium for a lecture. Warren is the creator of the blog/movement PostSecret which began as a Washington, DC based art project and turned into a site that generates millions of hits and a movement that is a bastion of hope for many a person. Needless to say, it seemed like something that would be interesting, so Hannah, Amy, and I attended to find out what exactly a postcard collector with a mission statement could offer the Great White North.

The answer was definitely a varied one, and not what I expected in any way shape or form.

Warren himself was a very charming (if not occasionally cheesy) public speaker who, as Amy pointed out afterwards, clearly has done this a time or two and does not offer a lot of room for his lecture to breathe. It was a very rigidly planned event if not for the ending, as he took us through three sections of his presentation: the history of PostSecret, the postcards his lawyers dared not let him share!, and PostSecret: Live!

The first two sections were interesting and quite often very humorous, and they really allowed Warren to share what exactly his program has grown into and what it is all about at this point. The ultimate purpose of his site is to act as somewhere people can share their secrets with the world without really having to pull back the curtain, as he theorized that there are two things that really drive people down a bad path: the secrets they keep from others and the secrets they keep from themselves. Secrets bring people down, they keep them from achieving all they should be able to, and they are tremendously hurtful if kept inside always.

I had never really thought about it, but he's right for the most part. While he did tend to fall into the trap that his father accused him of, that of taking a selfless thing and turning it into a mildly self aggrandizing event (mostly by tending to turning people's live secrets into opportunities to tell one of his stories or to sell a book), the concept and therapeutic value of what he offers is really there I do believe.

The true highlight of the event was the PostSecret Live! section, where people would actually get up to a microphone and share a closely guarded secret with an auditorium full of hundreds of people. Some ranged from humorous anecdotes to truly intense and highly emotional secrets (some very brave people attended this event), but seemingly every person who shared with the world left the microphone with a level of closure or a modicum of new found relief. Not only that, but it created a community feel in the audience, as everyone began responding to each others statements and encouraging each other in ways you do not normally see in modern society.

Ironically, that part, the clear cut best and most interesting part, also led into what I liked the least about it. PostSecret is, for all intents and purposes, a modern revisionist religion. As Amy pointed out, you have the priest tending to his flock, you have the cleansing, you have the central tenets of belief, you have...a religion. I guess it isn't a bad thing, but I just never expected it and found it a bit off putting that the world so desperately needs to believe in something that they pin hope on a blog about sharing secrets on artistic postcards.

Not that there is anything wrong with it.

Ultimately though, I truly believe Warren and his flock have their heart in the right place, and I got what I came for: a little entertainment, a little insight, and a little bit of interesting in the doldrums of Alaskan winter. It was a win win situation for everyone, and I really do recommend coming to see Warren speak if he's in your area. At the very least it's an entertaining and interesting lecture for all to share. You may even have the chance to share in a truly unifying community event for once.

The hits keep on coming

Brand New

To continue the theme from my last post, Alaska is getting another good concert!

Regardless of the fact that they were not fantastic the first time I saw them (you can blame a number of things here: mediocre overall show, bad venue, bad audience, severe hangover) or the fact I never really got into their most recent album The Devil and God Are Raging Inside of Me, it's impossible for me to not get excited about this.

Brand New is coming to Anchorage!

They're coming to play at the Denai'na Center (this tends to make me think they'll be bringing legit openers with them, or maybe I'm just hoping for that part) March 28th, and I am really excited. I love good concerts, and I really feel like Brand New is going to bring it this time.

The Weekend Edition

This weekend was pretty much out of control. Between Friday and Saturday, with one evening being a night where I was a tour guide to Anchorage bars and the other being the yearly (and amazing) Great Alaska Beer and Barley Wine Festival, I really don't think I need to drink again for the next few months. My liver is crying "uncle!" right now, and yesterday I felt like I was living in a microwave and was perpetually as tired as I've ever been.

Worth it!

What else happened?

• Dinner at Club Paris with mom and dad (mouthwateringly fantastic!)
• Battlestar Galactica premiering (can I use mouthwateringly fantastic again?)
• David Harper: Alaskan bar tour guide (awesome!)
• Let the Right One In with my mom
• Gumbo House for my birthday with my mom, dad, and sister
• Getting awesome new running shoes for my bday at Skinny Raven
• Beer and Barley Wine Festival!
• Random pics and amazing food with Hannah
• Dance party plus at the Avenue as per usual
• Snow City in the morning with Jason and Hannah
• Feeling like death but having a bunch of fun at Chuck E Cheese
• Watching Tropic Thunder on blu ray whilst trying to not pass out (I fail)

So yeah, it was a total blasty blast of a weekend, to steal a line from the Boss (of the Hannah Ross variety, not that more musical but slightly less awesome knock off of her Bruce Springsteen). What was the highlight?

For the second straight year, I went to the Great Alaska Beer and Barley Wine Festival, and it proceeded to be one of the most fun days around. It was an absolutely genius way to spend my birthday, and was full of great times, great friends (seriously, people were coming out of the woodwork for this thing), tons of beer, and heaps of ridiculousness.

Plus, through the intoxication, somehow everyone realized it was my birthday, so there was that added bonus of cheer and merriment to be shared amongst the group. Multiple times during the night Jason (or Blaze Town as I for some reason insistently refer to him as) and I commented that we wished this happened all the time, because it's always such a blast and everyone has such a good time. Well, I don't want that to happen. I'd be perpetually hungover and my liver would be in terrible shape.

But I do wish there were more events (possibly ones without alcohol) that could seemingly united all of the awesome Alaskans into one place more often. I guess that really proves the power of good beer. It's incentive to become social for those that are anti social and added power for those that are already social. One way or another, the Beer and Barley Wine Festival was once again a great success.

I already can't wait for next year!

The cold snap continues

For what feels like the 200th day in a row, the day started under -10 degrees in Anchorage, Alaska. The lowest it had gotten was -20, but that was nowhere near my house, being on the south side of town. This morning at my house it was -19, -30 on the south side, and -25 on the east side.

Thank god I plugged in my car today, otherwise it wouldn't have been going anywhere. As is, my cars computers were not operating at maximum capacity, moving so sluggishly that I didn't find out how cold it was until 4 minutes into my car ride. It did provide the really interesting sync up between the temperature reveal (-19!!! kill me!) and the ending of Portishead's "Machine Gun," where there is just a synthetic and ominous whine layered over the drum machines that run rampant through the song.

Strangely enough, if I was a machine, that was the exact sound I'd have been making when I saw how cold it was. Fitting.

There is relief in site, as it's supposed to get into the 20's (positive, that is) this upcoming weekend. May not seem that great, but when it's a 40 degree improvement, I'll take it. I'll likely be wearing beachwear this entire weekend to celebrate.

O Alaska

Alaska when it isn't murdering me with its coldness

Preface: if you are considering a possible move to Alaska in the near future (*ahem* you know who you are), do not read this. Please observe the pretty picture instead. Isn't Alaska pretty? Gorgeous. Can't get better than that.

With that said...

WHAT THE HELL ALASKA!

NEGATIVE TWENTY!

Why do you want me to never go outside? Even better, why, when I'm inside, am I colder than my friends who are outside in Portland? I'm in a coffee shop, traditionally one of the warmer locations around, and I'm cold as hell while wearing a lengthy peacoat, scarf, and you know...clothing. To be fair, my feet are really my only cold part. But still, it's ridiculous.

I remember not that long ago I was reading (and getting excited about) our upcoming supposedly mild winter. See, the summer was crappy, so "scientists" (I use that term very loosely) claimed that because of our mild summer, we were going to have a warmer than usual winter.

Enter negative twenty.

Exit David.

I hate you Alaska.

Winter is really, really here

It's been pretty much snowing for four days in a row here in Alaska. I know we're Alaska, so it shouldn't be that surprising, but come on now. Every time I go out to my car it's buried again, and the area surrounding my car is mid shin deep.

This is just getting ridiculous, and I demand that it quits like right now. Seriously.

Only in Alaska

Earlier today, I was pulling up to my house while talking to Kim on the phone, and I looked over to the left and saw a wolf sniffing the sidewalk as if somewhere in the mix of ice and leaves there may be some sort of tasty treat.

"Oh my god. There's a wolf in front of my house."
"Are you sure it's a wolf? It's probably just a dog."
"I know what a dog looks like. This is a wolf."
"Huh, that's weird."
"It's Alaska, this is what happens in my neighborhood. I don't know if I should get out of my car. It looks hungry."
"Wolves are fast, I bet it can jump your fence."
"You're not exactly helping here."

I open my door and it turns to look at me.

"Oh god! It's looking at me!"
"Just go inside, you'll be fine."

Sure enough, I did go inside, and I was fine, but still, how many of you out there have the legitimate concern of wolves attacking you as you're walking inside with groceries? That's right. Not that many. Alaska is freaking weird.

I'm in hell

Alright, that title is obviously a bit overdramatic, but still, when designing a version of my own personal hell, the actual atmosphere would likely be rather similar to Alaska in the winter. I love Alaska. It's beautiful. It's provides many great opportunities. It's home.

But good god, sometimes enough is enough. Today has pretty much represented everything I don't like about the state in one big mega mix of absurdity. There are many reasons why I find this place extremely frustrating to live, but the primary ones are below.

1. Perpetual darkness

Today it was light out from 8:56 am until 4:32 PM. In case you're not willing to do the math (and who would be really) that is 7 hours and 36 minutes of daylight. Less than one third of the day was light out and I was working for the entirety of that. Of course, some people are into that. Vampires for one. They'd love it. You can be a daywalker like Blade in Alaska, because odds are it isn't going to be daytime ever.

2. Freezing.

When I was at the gym I complained to a coworker about how it took me thirty minutes to get from my office to the gym. He asked "didn't you grow up here?"

Yes, I grew up here, but that doesn't mean one ever necessarily gets adjusted to living in thirty degree weather on a good day. The worst part is the fact that Alaska is seemingly mean spirited to its citizens. It has this nasty of habit of snowing, getting really freaking cold so everything freezes, thawing out a little bit, then getting cold and snowing again simultaneously. Then you're left with what it was like after work today - a car buried in snow, cold to the bone, and everything is so slick you almost fall everytime you get in or out of your car.

And I did. I ate it bad. I was on the phone with Brian when I crashed to the ground so hard he actually was about to get off the line because he thought I got in a car accident. That's how you know a fall is serious business - when you do it and someone openly wonders if there was a car accident. I feel as if I need to lose weight.

3. People drive crazy slow and slowly crazy

Due to the fact it's dark, cold, and icy, everyone on the road in Alaska turns into some fusion of a drunk driver and a senior citizen while driving. God forbid you actually come across a senior citizen or a drunk driver, because you better start praying. Earlier today during my ten minute jaunt turned 30 minute sojourn from work to the gym, an older woman took a right through a red as oncoming traffic crashed down upon her, but it wasn't a standard right.

Oh no.

It was one of those ten minute slight anglings that takes a person all the way to the far lane on a three lane road. She nearly caused the biggest accident this side of a demolition derby as the furious and terrified drivers that approached her harmonized their horns.

No less, the Alaskan driving experience becomes so bad that you pretty much don't want to drive. Every venture triples in length of time. You find yourself telling nearby friends that you don't want to make the trip because it would take too long. Essentially, because the driving is so bad (or just slow, as I insist) you feel permitted to become a shut in. Hibernation I say, but some would disagree.

4. I can't do anything outside...
5. because I suck at all winter sports

This is a combination reason. I love pretty much all summer sports. Basketball, baseball, football, frisbee golf, ultimate frisbee, golf, soccer, hiking...hell, I've been known to partake in badminton and croquet if the situation arises. I'm good at all of them too, and I have a blast doing them. Perhaps that's because I can play them effectively or perhaps it's because I genuinely enjoy them. Obviously, with Alaska how it is during the interminably long winter, I can't do any of them.

My alternative is any and every winter sport, but there are two truths about them - I don't like any of them, and that is mostly because I'm bad at all of them. I can't really stop in hockey. The last time I went snowboarding I got a concussion that was so serious the doctor said if I hit my head again in the next three months I may die.

I can't even sled. I wish I was joking, but I'm really not. Seeing me try to sled is one of the more awkward things you will ever see, as even negotiating my way onto the sled is problematic for me. The concept of getting onto it always troubled me, as even the larger sleds I act like it's thimble sized disc that I must wedge myself in to. Then when the movement begins, I have a tendency to fall off. I have absolutely no confidence in my sledding skills (or lack there of).

In summation

Alaska sucks during the winter. You know a person is an Alaskan when the first snow fall happens and they immediately tell friends how much they can't wait until the next summer. Summers rule in Alaska. It's pretty much perfect.

Alaska - where you survive 8 months a year to enjoy four months a year.

Hmmph.

I need winter hobbies badly.